Full Frontal Nerdity

I'm due back to the plastic surgeons until March. There is nothing they can do for me until then. Let me just get that out into the open. I think those two sentences don't really leave any gray area. They simply mean WAIT UNTIL FUCKING MARCH. So my dad is barely back from Switzerland for twelve hours and he's calling me up and saying "Let's have a doctor's appointment while I'm there to make sure nothing gets missed."

I'm like *facepalm* "Dad, you don't think I know how to be responsible about my face?" He assures me that's not what he's saying. But, we'd better have that doctors' appointment anyway. My poor plastic surgeon. So I throw up my hands and say fine, BUT ONLY IF IT'S TOMORROW OR FRIDAY BEFORE 1 PM.

He calls me up and says "I have an appointment for Monday at 9:45!" and I tell him, "Hey now, wait a minute, that's during my Japanese final, no can do!"

And you won't believe the gall of him. He tells me to take my final later! Well I can't take it later, if I ask to take it later (after I told my dean I wouldn't have anymore appointments until March) they will give me a postponement and I can take it NEXT semester. I'm sorry, but no, not after I've worked so damn hard to get fucking caught up in this class! He says, "Oh nonononono, I will get them to let you take it an hour later."

Really? You will? Because that actually violates the University Code of Conduct. SO MAYBE YOU SHOULD JUST GIVE UP ON THE UNNECESSARY DOCTORS APPOINTMENT AND LET ME TAKE MY GODDAMN FINAL. Ugh.

And now for something completely different, did anyone notice how the footage at the beginning of Hitman is from Dark Angel? I was freaking out in the theater when I saw it.

There's a fight going on in my courtyard. The bank lost one of my deposits and the customer service dude kept calling me "Ms. Donohoe." Given the fact that I gave him the pronounciation of my name BEFORE the spelling, this is truly unacceptable. My name has nothing to do with the wearing or putting on of hos. Sad to say.

I spent the last hour listening to the Queer Peer Coordinator bitch about the QRC president and how he's failed. It's been approximately a week under the president, so I would hardly count his entire tenure in office a failure. Also there is pink chalk smeared all over me.

I'm really freakin' bad at Japanese. Still. No changes there. But a really cute student kept hitting on me and going on about my sexy accent. I refrained from pointing out that my "deep husky voice" comes from my stomach acid going up my esophagus and wind-pipe when I'm stressed. They would probably find this disgusting.

The last three movies I rented from netflix have been entirely blah. For some reason this makes me miss my mother and want to skip my homework for the next century.

Oh, memphis86, I'm so ready to be up there with you. I will snuggle you. Alot.

Been sort of absent because I've been working my ass off at Nordstrom's. It's a mixture of both the insane and the hilarious and sometimes the down right awful.

Today a woman in a little motorized wheel chair push cart thingy came breezing in the store. While she was zipping along she hooked herself on a swimsuit rack and then just carried the entire thing off with her. Dragged more like. Best of all, inspite of the loud clang and the abrasive noise as she dragged the metal rack stuffed with Diane Von Furstenburg bathing suits across fifty feet of marble, was that she didn't even notice and we, the poor women's active staff, had to chase after her shouting "Come back, for the love of god, before you hurdle through the women's sale shoes and the entire first floor explodes."

Oh what a day.

But albydarned and I met on Tuesday. And that totally made the world.

( Our adventure through Yerba Beuna Park wherein I managed to drop my SLR like a genius )

Damn it. Damn it. Damn it. Damn it. DAMN IT.

I should just like to note that while I'm seriously fucked in the head, I'm probably not as fucked in the head as this journal would lead you to believe. Mostly because I seem to post in it whenever I am unhappy rather than the other way around. It must be a good thing if being Unhappy is considered an event in my life (that is to say, rather than a regular occurence).

BUT DAMN IT. I am so freakin' frustrated. And I'm also sitting upstairs in nothing but a towel waiting for my landlady to get out of the basement so I can go get to my clothes. As young, nubile, and attractive as I am *coughs half to death* I have no wish to loiter around naked where there are windows without freakin' curtains. BLAH.

I'm one of those girls who really doesn't need a boyfriend and get's sort of exasperated when other girls wax poetical about how they wish they had a boyfriend. I'm in a platonic marriage with whimsicalwonder and really, that's enough for me. ^{Funny, considering that I spend my time writing and reading the novella equivalents of gay romance.}

Most of the time.

But sometimes it gets to me just a little when my room mate is like, "If you ever want somebody, you're going to have to change," because guys can't deal with girls like me. I'm not protesting the latter part of that statement. I am what I am, and honestly I don't want nor am I willing to change. I'm protesting the fact that she seems to think I need a boy to be happy. Then, of course, I sit there going 'well, what the fuck is wrong with me, maybe I do need a boy to be happy.' That's like the largest step backwards too. I have worked so hard not to be that person.

But now...

Lauren

I think something gets lost when I'm attempting to write fiction somewhere between my brain and the keyboard. I feel like if I could just dictate, have myself a bitchin' court stenographer with a good love of porn to just sit with me for a few hours I'd get all my damn stories done.

I've been writing a Sam/Dean 1930s fic since I saw Johnny Dangerously again in November. I really like what I've done with it so far, however, I'm at this hump (more like insurmountable mountain) with it. I've been at it since Christmas, and I don't know how to just get over it already (the very grandiose paragraph-long description of Sam's well-tailored three piece suit probably is not the answer).

This combined with the utter crash and burn of my Underworld/SPN xover has got me more than a little tetchy. For all of you people who manage to write amazing fics around the clock, I'm feeling a little like I could kill you right now, but mostly it's just out of respect. HOW DO YOU DO IT?

I had an excellent weekend, which is completely rare because usually weekend spells more time I have to spend with my horrible-egg-sucking-awful-people-eating-room-mates! BUT they were mostly gone, and I got to have a ton of fun with the room to myself.

Like watching three hours of South Park and Monty Python and then running off to Yorkside for milkshakes and then coming back and dancing to the Scissor Sisters.

Like waking up at 4:30 on Saturday only to spend a bunch more time watching Supernatural and Tenimyu with Loide and Shen-san. OHMYGOD, I don't know how I can possibly have any more ships (and even if I'm not the most enthusiastic about the musicals, I will say that Dream Lives was awesome). I really like hanging out with Shen-san. I don't know, she's my twin, so it's stands to reason that she'd have that effect on me.

Like rocking out with Lexi to Pulp and The Who and The Scissor Sisters and just generally being lunatics. Like going to see Run Lola Run with Adam and just sitting their being like, "I forgot how freakin' awesome this movie is."

Like coming back to eljay to read and talk with all of you.

Man, I love you guys. You all really make me forget the bad stuff.

I have a part time job as a librarian, which is just about the most ironic thing ever. I love books, but I have an aversion to libraries, because I like owning things not borrowing them. But anyway, I bet you never really thought about how complicated a library is. Let me tell you, there is so much paperwork and organizing and sorting and accuracy checking. Jesus. Granted we have 4.8 million volumes and I think 15 floors total, so um, if one got lost it's very likely we would never see it again. BLAH, I got back from work today though, thinking about what a humongous waste of paper that must have been. I feel like an entire forest is used in a day.

COME ON GUYS, I FEEL LIKE WE DON'T HAVE TO USE SO MUCH PAPER WORK!



So everybody is uploading music, so I thought I would upload some of the songs that I think are totally teh wincest even if they aren't classic rock...

a-ha's "Analogue" a really sweet song and I feel it really embodies the disjoint in the communication between the brothers.
The Cardigan's "You're The Storm" It's very girly, but seriously, if you listen to the lyrics you'll be blown away
The Feeling's "Sewn" I really have no words for this song. I'm sure you'll understand when you listen.

Anyway, that's all for today, maybe I should upload a song each day. Get you all acquainted with one of the most important things in my life--the music.

I look at you and I see all the ways my life is broken. How can you expect me to be there for them, when they were never there for me. I really need my mother right now, but she's not here. I really need Florence right now, but she's not here.

There isn't any space left in my head for anything good.

My next exam is a little less than eight hours away. Alicia called at 1 AM and woke me up and now I can't sleep. Fuck. I suppose I could study more, but I don't see the use. Also, my ipod broke today. I'm not sure how. Or when. Or why. Goddamn you, Steve Jobs!

I also can't believe in a little more than ten days I'll be 19. Sometimes I feel like I sorta stopped at 17 and 18 just never hit. I had so many plans when I was younger that I was going to do before I was 19. I look at it now and I haven't done any of it. And in some cases it's too late. I'm so young, but I feel so freakin' old.

My room-mates have set an ultimatum: either I go on medication or else. I think they're worried that I'm going to kill myself. I'm not. I swear. Because tomorrow always has the possibility of being a better day, even if I can't seem to see it right now. All I feel right now is overwhelmed. God, it doesn't seem like it's about to be Christmas.