Full Frontal Nerdity

I have to write a paper in support of affirmative action, another one on masturbation (yes, this is my college education), and finally a four page analysis of my own documentary (on romance novels, as it were).

The only way I keep my mind from exploding from the pressure is by pretending that Dean and Sam are political science professors at Harvard, and Dean's all "Fuck Kant, if you have to kill ten people to save 100, do it!" and Sam snuggles on the floor of his office with Theory of Justice. And then they totally masturbate to documentaries like Who Killed The Electric Car, and The Corporation. Sam can barely contain himself every time Noam Chomsky appears on the screen.

Thus I have done all the thinking I need for my three projects. My MoFoPo TA might be sitting there going, "I don't understand how this hypothetical about the gay incestuous professors proves your point about Affirmative Action. Are you saying that gay incestuous professors are needed to contribute diversity to a college campus?"

Yes, Brookes, I think we need our own set right now, or I'm calling this campus prejudiced.

My mom and I saw Sicko today and I jokingly said maybe she should go back to the Netherlands, because she has severe psoriatic arthritis, god knows it would be cheaper to get her treatment there. And she was quiet for a moment and then said, "I'm really thinking of it."

And it's so hard for me. Everyday my faith in this country is tested, and I want to tell her there is something to stay for. I believe in this country and everything it fought for, but I'm afraid it just started to lose it's way after December 1963, when Kennedy died. We don't have free health care, we don't have a good public transportation system, we don't have gun control. What we do have is the death penalty, the fundamentalist right, abstinence and creationism-only classes in school, no child left behind and ever increasing costs of higher education, a huge war debt, and finally--my personal favorite because it leads to inflated crime--economically unreasonable illegal drug laws.

Lets not forget Ann Coulter. Even that idiot in the oval office has a filter between his brain and his mouth that works occasionally.

So mom, I know there's no reason for you to stay, especially since there seems to be no love lost between you and the country you've made your home for the last 25 years, but could you anyway?