I don't think this is...I just...I can't

[sweetprince]

I look at you and I see all the ways my life is broken. How can you expect me to be there for them, when they were never there for me. I really need my mother right now, but she's not here. I really need Florence right now, but she's not here.

There isn't any space left in my head for anything good.

Comments

[xtinethepirate.livejournal.com]

Hey you. *pokes* I'm sorry that things are looking so bleak for you right now. Just, if nothing else, keep in mind that you have friends over here on the internet, who think... no, who KNOW that you are a clever and talented and sweet person.

I know we can't fill in for your mom or anyone else, but we're here for you just the same.

[dark-reaction.livejournal.com]

Thanks. School is just hard right now because of the weather. And I'm so angry at my dad I don't seem to have room for me in there anymore.

[xtinethepirate.livejournal.com]

*hugs tightly* I'm sorry. I know that the January doldrums have been hitting everyone hard. I hope that things look up for you though. Take some time off for just you this weekend; you need to keep yourself sane.

[dark-reaction.livejournal.com]

I need for my light therapy lamp to show up. I don't know how I thought I could do this. I'm from fucking Palo Alto, I'm a manic freak in the winter there. Now I'm in bleeding New Haven, of course I'm going to be hanging on to the window ledge by my nails. I don't understand why somebody didn't hit me over the head and tell me "don't be an idiot, Lauren, you and winter: they don't work."

But they did. They did and I didn't listen. And my idiot roommates think it'll all go away if I just hop on meds and do a little dance.

I feel like all I do is take time for myself, as my therapist would tell you, I'm a complete narcissist.

*hugs you back*

[xtinethepirate.livejournal.com]

Oh no, meds definitely aren't going to help. I had a friend who tried that and they just made her worse. Winter is awful for everyone, even we Canadians who've grown up with it!! But it must be so much worse for you, coming from somewhere warm!!

But you know, some things you need to learn for yourself. Don't feel bad about it, ok? You didn't know what would happen. And hey, if you need more time for yourself, take it and screw everyone else, ok? *hugs tightly* I know the feeling of being restless and down, and sometimes it takes a day of skipping classes, ignoring the phone, and watching inane daytime TV and sleeping as much as you need.

Humans should get to hibernate too...

[dark-reaction.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I know about the meds. My friend was just switched from zoloft to prozac and the world came tumbling down.

I'd hibernate if my room-mates would let me, and if my parents weren't paying $44,000 on my tuition.

[xtinethepirate.livejournal.com]

Will missing one day affect you in classes that much? I know that uni is expensive, but I mean, I'm sure that your mental health is ranked more important, right?

*carries your roomates off and locks them in the closet so you can sleep*

[dark-reaction.livejournal.com]

Aww, thank you sweetie, any luck on the Fic-o-doom?

[xtinethepirate.livejournal.com]

*grins* That's what's supplanting my homework tomorrow. *nod nod nod*