I don't think this is...I just...I can't

[sweetprince]

I look at you and I see all the ways my life is broken. How can you expect me to be there for them, when they were never there for me. I really need my mother right now, but she's not here. I really need Florence right now, but she's not here.

There isn't any space left in my head for anything good.

Comments

[mytigerhobbes.livejournal.com]

what's wrong?

[dark-reaction.livejournal.com]

The only short answer that I can come up with to that question is...me. It's a really long convoluted story that I'm sure you don't want to hear. But it means a lot to me that you asked about it.

[xtinethepirate.livejournal.com]

Hey you. *pokes* I'm sorry that things are looking so bleak for you right now. Just, if nothing else, keep in mind that you have friends over here on the internet, who think... no, who KNOW that you are a clever and talented and sweet person.

I know we can't fill in for your mom or anyone else, but we're here for you just the same.

[ilovesn.livejournal.com]

Babes, what happened?

*huggles* Don't be sad

[dark-reaction.livejournal.com]

Thanks. School is just hard right now because of the weather. And I'm so angry at my dad I don't seem to have room for me in there anymore.

[dark-reaction.livejournal.com]

I wish I could stop. I wish I knew how. I just...I'm a wreck.

[ilovesn.livejournal.com]

Talk to me sweetie

You know you can tell me anything. :D

I'm here, i always am

[xtinethepirate.livejournal.com]

*hugs tightly* I'm sorry. I know that the January doldrums have been hitting everyone hard. I hope that things look up for you though. Take some time off for just you this weekend; you need to keep yourself sane.

[dark-reaction.livejournal.com]

I need for my light therapy lamp to show up. I don't know how I thought I could do this. I'm from fucking Palo Alto, I'm a manic freak in the winter there. Now I'm in bleeding New Haven, of course I'm going to be hanging on to the window ledge by my nails. I don't understand why somebody didn't hit me over the head and tell me "don't be an idiot, Lauren, you and winter: they don't work."

But they did. They did and I didn't listen. And my idiot roommates think it'll all go away if I just hop on meds and do a little dance.

I feel like all I do is take time for myself, as my therapist would tell you, I'm a complete narcissist.

*hugs you back*

[dark-reaction.livejournal.com]

To understand what I'm going through, you'd need to know the story of my life. And also that my iPod genuinely broke this time. FUCK.

[xtinethepirate.livejournal.com]

Oh no, meds definitely aren't going to help. I had a friend who tried that and they just made her worse. Winter is awful for everyone, even we Canadians who've grown up with it!! But it must be so much worse for you, coming from somewhere warm!!

But you know, some things you need to learn for yourself. Don't feel bad about it, ok? You didn't know what would happen. And hey, if you need more time for yourself, take it and screw everyone else, ok? *hugs tightly* I know the feeling of being restless and down, and sometimes it takes a day of skipping classes, ignoring the phone, and watching inane daytime TV and sleeping as much as you need.

Humans should get to hibernate too...

[dark-reaction.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I know about the meds. My friend was just switched from zoloft to prozac and the world came tumbling down.

I'd hibernate if my room-mates would let me, and if my parents weren't paying $44,000 on my tuition.

[ilovesn.livejournal.com]

OH CRAP

*huggles*

It broke?

How?

OH MAN

[xtinethepirate.livejournal.com]

Will missing one day affect you in classes that much? I know that uni is expensive, but I mean, I'm sure that your mental health is ranked more important, right?

*carries your roomates off and locks them in the closet so you can sleep*

[dark-reaction.livejournal.com]

I don't know. It just stopped working.

[dark-reaction.livejournal.com]

Aww, thank you sweetie, any luck on the Fic-o-doom?

[xtinethepirate.livejournal.com]

*grins* That's what's supplanting my homework tomorrow. *nod nod nod*

[ilovesn.livejournal.com]

It won't turn on?

Maybe if you press the middle button and the menu button down

Maybe it's just being BITCHY

[dark-reaction.livejournal.com]

It stopped playing in the middle of a song and the screen went dead.

[mytigerhobbes.livejournal.com]

i'm sorry :( well, if you're ever up for talking about it.

[perpetualloser.livejournal.com]

Just think... this too shall pass. Just say fuck 'em, because you're better. :)
After all the advice and cheerer-uppers you've given me, I'm afraid I can't do much better.

[dark-reaction.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Christine. It means everything to me.