I have reached the end of my tether, and thus an illustrated primer

[sweetprince]

I know there are members of the peanut gallery who like Jared's hair the way it is. And therefore, I blame everything that follows this sentence on torturemysoul. You see, she foisted CSI:New York on me. (check it: this fandom has a pairing that rarely appears in the same room together, HARDCORE, YO)

And in the first season of CSI:NY, there is a character, let us call him THE HOTTEST CHARACTER, who has "longish-for-a-boy" hair, or what my friends in high school called "the assholes on the water polo team" hair--please excuse this digression, but I think this bears explaining. The water polo players are probably forgivable, because they also were on the swim team and every season had to shave it ALL off. Oh yes, I have walked into many conversations about itchy balls. So clearly, they are trying to prove a point (lookit my hair growing powers?) by leaving their hair on the longish (and yucky) side. Anyway, this HOTTEST CHARACTER, Flack, had Jared hair.

And then one day he cut it, not in some odd flat-ironed pudding bowl arangement with the bangs parted down the middle. Oh no. He cut it SHORTER. And suddenly EVERYBODY REALIZED HE WAS THE HOTTEST CHARACTER.

Jared, I know your hairdo has been your fashion mainstay for a good part of your professional life. BUT DEAR GOD, USE FLACK AS YOUR EXAMPLE. STOP MAKING ME CRY FOR SEASON ONE HAIR (a serious lament for someone who doesn't believe boys' hair should ever touch their collars if they wish to be considered at all attractive). And while it is a strong testament to your incredible hotness THAT I STILL LIKE YOU BETTER, I think your short hair will make the wincest show through even if Sam and Dean ARE NEVER IN THE SAME FRAME AGAIN. CSI:NY is my proof.



Just in case you didn't take my word as written law, I have been good enough to provide references!


BLECH


Yes, how could this guy honestly be the hottest guy on the show? Did everybody else get a particularly bad beating with the ugly stick?


*dies*

But, LO and BEHOLD, Flack is actually a sex god.





A sex god with like...one facial expression, but that has no bearing on the hair argument.

Suddenly when you cut your hair, everybody thinks you're OTP with that blond dude. And since Jensen is totes BLOND *cough* my theory is infallible.






Look, the OTP is happy together. When Flack still had long hair all shots of them were carefully aranged so that there would be people in between, and their love could not be realized. BUT SHORT HAIR MADE THE WORLD GO ROUND, and now there is gay sex.

Comments

[xtinethepirate.livejournal.com]

I do agree that this guy looks better with the short hair. And there are similarities between his and Jared's, but... I dunno... Flack's hair looks like it has more greasy volume to it.

I would need to see a photomanip or artist's rendition of Jared with short hair to be 100% convinced. Because the floppy haired guys just go so WELL with the short haired guys. It's like an OTP matchup: Sam and Dean, Chase and House, Reid and Hotch (see icon), Anakin and Obi-Wan (notice that when Obi-Wan's hair gets short, Anakin's gets long? TRADE OFF).


Edit: It would help if, when I say "see icon", I actually use the right icon. *headdesk*

...actually, the long/short hair match thing is kinda scarily prevalent in my otps. *ponders*

[dark-reaction.livejournal.com]

These two pictures aren't the best at showcasing Flack's long hair for obvious reasons, but his hair is actually nicer than Jared's, I would say. I don't know, you'd have to see him run around in CSI:NY, but it's clear he takes better care of it, and his stylist actually knows how to cut it, AND HE WASHES IT. It's usually very shiny and soft looking, BUT AT THE SAME TIME HE LOOKS WAY BETTER WITH IT SHORT.

Chase/House? *cries bitterly*

[xtinethepirate.livejournal.com]

Or House/Wilson. Wilson who, you will note, also has floopier hair than House. :)

[dark-reaction.livejournal.com]

Yes, but not in the back.