I have reached the end of my tether, and thus an illustrated primer

[sweetprince]

I know there are members of the peanut gallery who like Jared's hair the way it is. And therefore, I blame everything that follows this sentence on torturemysoul. You see, she foisted CSI:New York on me. (check it: this fandom has a pairing that rarely appears in the same room together, HARDCORE, YO)

And in the first season of CSI:NY, there is a character, let us call him THE HOTTEST CHARACTER, who has "longish-for-a-boy" hair, or what my friends in high school called "the assholes on the water polo team" hair--please excuse this digression, but I think this bears explaining. The water polo players are probably forgivable, because they also were on the swim team and every season had to shave it ALL off. Oh yes, I have walked into many conversations about itchy balls. So clearly, they are trying to prove a point (lookit my hair growing powers?) by leaving their hair on the longish (and yucky) side. Anyway, this HOTTEST CHARACTER, Flack, had Jared hair.

And then one day he cut it, not in some odd flat-ironed pudding bowl arangement with the bangs parted down the middle. Oh no. He cut it SHORTER. And suddenly EVERYBODY REALIZED HE WAS THE HOTTEST CHARACTER.

Jared, I know your hairdo has been your fashion mainstay for a good part of your professional life. BUT DEAR GOD, USE FLACK AS YOUR EXAMPLE. STOP MAKING ME CRY FOR SEASON ONE HAIR (a serious lament for someone who doesn't believe boys' hair should ever touch their collars if they wish to be considered at all attractive). And while it is a strong testament to your incredible hotness THAT I STILL LIKE YOU BETTER, I think your short hair will make the wincest show through even if Sam and Dean ARE NEVER IN THE SAME FRAME AGAIN. CSI:NY is my proof.



Just in case you didn't take my word as written law, I have been good enough to provide references!


BLECH


Yes, how could this guy honestly be the hottest guy on the show? Did everybody else get a particularly bad beating with the ugly stick?


*dies*

But, LO and BEHOLD, Flack is actually a sex god.





A sex god with like...one facial expression, but that has no bearing on the hair argument.

Suddenly when you cut your hair, everybody thinks you're OTP with that blond dude. And since Jensen is totes BLOND *cough* my theory is infallible.






Look, the OTP is happy together. When Flack still had long hair all shots of them were carefully aranged so that there would be people in between, and their love could not be realized. BUT SHORT HAIR MADE THE WORLD GO ROUND, and now there is gay sex.

Comments

[smidgy06.livejournal.com]

I like the first picture hair the bestest. *nods*

[dark-reaction.livejournal.com]

*breaks down in tears* SACRILEGE!

[leighm.livejournal.com]

HEE.

Jared's hair, I dunno, I just have this thing about it. Not many people can wear it that long and not look ridiculous, true. I just can't imagine him any other way and I love the season one Sam hair but I love it longer also.

I do agree that dude here looks better with it short.

[dark-reaction.livejournal.com]

Jared will always be my favorite, but there is only so much that I can tolerate. The hair in those recent Australia pictures, while not wildly different from the hair of the past several months, was the straw that broke the camel's back.

[leighm.livejournal.com]

Lol.

His hair is seriously pretty though, the way it always curls on his neck. *G* He grew it out last year at this time right before he went back into Sam mode.

[dark-reaction.livejournal.com]

*barfs* Honestly, I hate that kind of hair on guys. I don't care who you are. If he shows up in S4 with it longer, I will stage a protest.

[seventhpage.livejournal.com]

WIN.

I'm not sure what the original argument was, but the boys are pretty.

[dark-reaction.livejournal.com]

Now everything is right in my world. Seriously, that is the reason for their otp. If someone was to do a ship_manifesto on this pairing, it would literally read: THEY ARE HOT. And one time Flack stares at Danny's ass.

[ghostrunner7.livejournal.com]

BUT SHORT HAIR MADE THE WORLD GO ROUND, and now there is gay sex.

This is an ultimate truth. There can be no dissention.

[dark-reaction.livejournal.com]

Ahahah, I await for everybody to descend upon me and strangle me with hair extensions. KEEP JARED'S HAIR A PROTECTED SITE or whatever.

[xtinethepirate.livejournal.com]

I do agree that this guy looks better with the short hair. And there are similarities between his and Jared's, but... I dunno... Flack's hair looks like it has more greasy volume to it.

I would need to see a photomanip or artist's rendition of Jared with short hair to be 100% convinced. Because the floppy haired guys just go so WELL with the short haired guys. It's like an OTP matchup: Sam and Dean, Chase and House, Reid and Hotch (see icon), Anakin and Obi-Wan (notice that when Obi-Wan's hair gets short, Anakin's gets long? TRADE OFF).


Edit: It would help if, when I say "see icon", I actually use the right icon. *headdesk*

...actually, the long/short hair match thing is kinda scarily prevalent in my otps. *ponders*

[dark-reaction.livejournal.com]

These two pictures aren't the best at showcasing Flack's long hair for obvious reasons, but his hair is actually nicer than Jared's, I would say. I don't know, you'd have to see him run around in CSI:NY, but it's clear he takes better care of it, and his stylist actually knows how to cut it, AND HE WASHES IT. It's usually very shiny and soft looking, BUT AT THE SAME TIME HE LOOKS WAY BETTER WITH IT SHORT.

Chase/House? *cries bitterly*

[xtinethepirate.livejournal.com]

Or House/Wilson. Wilson who, you will note, also has floopier hair than House. :)

[dark-reaction.livejournal.com]

Yes, but not in the back.

[causeways.livejournal.com]

You already know the amount that I agree with you on this. ENRIQUE INGLESIAS AND THE 982734 SONGVIDS DEMAND THAT JARED HAVE A RUN-IN WITH THE SCISSORS.

[dark-reaction.livejournal.com]

I AM BAFFLED BY THE PEOPLE ABOVE YOU WHO ARE TELLING ME THAT FLACK LOOKS BETTER WITH LONG HAIR. BAFFLED.

[causeways.livejournal.com]

PEOPLE ARE NUTJOBS, LAUREN. WE KNOW THIS.

[dark-reaction.livejournal.com]

This is pretty much the conversation I had with Erica and Ash, I was like, YOU MUST BE PHYSICALLY RETARDED IF YOU THINK FLACK LOOKS BETTER WITH LONG HAIR. It's not that he doesn't look good with long hair, it's just HE DOES NOT LOOK BETTER. GRAH.

[causeways.livejournal.com]

People basically exist to cause us paaaaaain.

[memphis86.livejournal.com]

LIKE ME?

[balefully.livejournal.com]

I LIKE THAT OTHER GUY BETTER WITH LONG HAIR. :( Also, Jared.

[dark-reaction.livejournal.com]

That is just--fine, for peace of mind, I'm going to say you have a long hair fettish.

[maypirate.livejournal.com]

The last picture of this Flack dude looks so much like Sean from NT I'm kind of spooked.

Also in the "OTP" picture he looks like my friend's little brother and I'm like "ANDREW WHAT?!"

In conclusion, I'm totally lost.

[dark-reaction.livejournal.com]

I have no idea who either of those people are.

[maypirate.livejournal.com]

Sean from Nip/Tuck? Yes you do, you told me about that show before I ever watched it!

And I know you don't know who my friend's little brother is. I'm really just saying words right now.

...I really just wanted to comment, that's all.

[dark-reaction.livejournal.com]

Oh, I NEVER abbreviate it, so it never occured to me. Also, that actor played a Sean like twice on other shows, so I got all stuck on that.

Edit: that is to say, Eddie Cahill played Seans on other shows, but Dylan Walsh did not. AS FAR AS I KNOW. Gah, confusing myself.

[memphis86.livejournal.com]

I agree wholeheartedly with this post. Sam's hair was possibly the reason I never watched SPN from day 1, and now I CRAAAVE S1 shag now because I have SEEN THE FUTURE. AND IT NEEDS A HAIRCUT.

[dark-reaction.livejournal.com]

*headdesk*

[miss-begonia.livejournal.com]

I know nothing about CSI: NY, but your picspam evidence is undeniable. Have we talked about Jared's hair? I forget. I share your controversial opinion that he should CUT IT DEAR GOD but tend to keep quiet for fear of being eviscerated, internet-style.

In other news, I have started reading bandom stories because of Erica, and I really like them. I'm not going to write bandom, DO NOT WORRY, but. I fear you will be disappointed in me. *sadface*

[dark-reaction.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that's what kept me quiet for the longest time. But have you looked at some of those comments? THEY THINK FLACK LOOKS BETTER WITH LONG HAIR. THIS IS CRUSHING MY SOUL. LITERALLY.

Sigh, I sort of noticed when overnighter, said that you were reading them to her. You aren't in American Idol fandom, so that's something. Besides, I've been desperate for CSI:NY slash, and like, ALL OF IT'S TERRIBLE. THERE IS ONE GOOD STORY. ONE. MY SOUL IS DYING.

[miss-begonia.livejournal.com]

Dude, no, I am not in American Idol fandom. I don't even WATCH American Idol. I do, however, watch So You Think You Can Dance, which is...my life is kind of sad right now, okay? This is my excuse.

The pull of bandom is that a lot of the writers are REALLY GOOD. And since I don't know or care about any of the people actually involved, that's kind of essential.

[elzybub.livejournal.com]

Amen! I hate Jared hair long. I get that it makes him look older, but it also makes him look really unwashed. He's just not one of those guys who can pull off the longer hair-do.

[dark-reaction.livejournal.com]

Sigh, at least the way it is now.