I have reached the end of my tether, and thus an illustrated primer

[sweetprince]

I know there are members of the peanut gallery who like Jared's hair the way it is. And therefore, I blame everything that follows this sentence on torturemysoul. You see, she foisted CSI:New York on me. (check it: this fandom has a pairing that rarely appears in the same room together, HARDCORE, YO)

And in the first season of CSI:NY, there is a character, let us call him THE HOTTEST CHARACTER, who has "longish-for-a-boy" hair, or what my friends in high school called "the assholes on the water polo team" hair--please excuse this digression, but I think this bears explaining. The water polo players are probably forgivable, because they also were on the swim team and every season had to shave it ALL off. Oh yes, I have walked into many conversations about itchy balls. So clearly, they are trying to prove a point (lookit my hair growing powers?) by leaving their hair on the longish (and yucky) side. Anyway, this HOTTEST CHARACTER, Flack, had Jared hair.

And then one day he cut it, not in some odd flat-ironed pudding bowl arangement with the bangs parted down the middle. Oh no. He cut it SHORTER. And suddenly EVERYBODY REALIZED HE WAS THE HOTTEST CHARACTER.

Jared, I know your hairdo has been your fashion mainstay for a good part of your professional life. BUT DEAR GOD, USE FLACK AS YOUR EXAMPLE. STOP MAKING ME CRY FOR SEASON ONE HAIR (a serious lament for someone who doesn't believe boys' hair should ever touch their collars if they wish to be considered at all attractive). And while it is a strong testament to your incredible hotness THAT I STILL LIKE YOU BETTER, I think your short hair will make the wincest show through even if Sam and Dean ARE NEVER IN THE SAME FRAME AGAIN. CSI:NY is my proof.



Just in case you didn't take my word as written law, I have been good enough to provide references!


BLECH


Yes, how could this guy honestly be the hottest guy on the show? Did everybody else get a particularly bad beating with the ugly stick?


*dies*

But, LO and BEHOLD, Flack is actually a sex god.





A sex god with like...one facial expression, but that has no bearing on the hair argument.

Suddenly when you cut your hair, everybody thinks you're OTP with that blond dude. And since Jensen is totes BLOND *cough* my theory is infallible.






Look, the OTP is happy together. When Flack still had long hair all shots of them were carefully aranged so that there would be people in between, and their love could not be realized. BUT SHORT HAIR MADE THE WORLD GO ROUND, and now there is gay sex.

Comments

[smidgy06.livejournal.com]

I like the first picture hair the bestest. *nods*

[leighm.livejournal.com]

HEE.

Jared's hair, I dunno, I just have this thing about it. Not many people can wear it that long and not look ridiculous, true. I just can't imagine him any other way and I love the season one Sam hair but I love it longer also.

I do agree that dude here looks better with it short.

[seventhpage.livejournal.com]

WIN.

I'm not sure what the original argument was, but the boys are pretty.

[ghostrunner7.livejournal.com]

BUT SHORT HAIR MADE THE WORLD GO ROUND, and now there is gay sex.

This is an ultimate truth. There can be no dissention.

[xtinethepirate.livejournal.com]

I do agree that this guy looks better with the short hair. And there are similarities between his and Jared's, but... I dunno... Flack's hair looks like it has more greasy volume to it.

I would need to see a photomanip or artist's rendition of Jared with short hair to be 100% convinced. Because the floppy haired guys just go so WELL with the short haired guys. It's like an OTP matchup: Sam and Dean, Chase and House, Reid and Hotch (see icon), Anakin and Obi-Wan (notice that when Obi-Wan's hair gets short, Anakin's gets long? TRADE OFF).


Edit: It would help if, when I say "see icon", I actually use the right icon. *headdesk*

...actually, the long/short hair match thing is kinda scarily prevalent in my otps. *ponders*

[causeways.livejournal.com]

You already know the amount that I agree with you on this. ENRIQUE INGLESIAS AND THE 982734 SONGVIDS DEMAND THAT JARED HAVE A RUN-IN WITH THE SCISSORS.

[balefully.livejournal.com]

I LIKE THAT OTHER GUY BETTER WITH LONG HAIR. :( Also, Jared.

[maypirate.livejournal.com]

The last picture of this Flack dude looks so much like Sean from NT I'm kind of spooked.

Also in the "OTP" picture he looks like my friend's little brother and I'm like "ANDREW WHAT?!"

In conclusion, I'm totally lost.

[memphis86.livejournal.com]

I agree wholeheartedly with this post. Sam's hair was possibly the reason I never watched SPN from day 1, and now I CRAAAVE S1 shag now because I have SEEN THE FUTURE. AND IT NEEDS A HAIRCUT.

[miss-begonia.livejournal.com]

I know nothing about CSI: NY, but your picspam evidence is undeniable. Have we talked about Jared's hair? I forget. I share your controversial opinion that he should CUT IT DEAR GOD but tend to keep quiet for fear of being eviscerated, internet-style.

In other news, I have started reading bandom stories because of Erica, and I really like them. I'm not going to write bandom, DO NOT WORRY, but. I fear you will be disappointed in me. *sadface*

[elzybub.livejournal.com]

Amen! I hate Jared hair long. I get that it makes him look older, but it also makes him look really unwashed. He's just not one of those guys who can pull off the longer hair-do.